Missing Gram

Doug's Gram was an influential person in our lives. She made me feel like an award winning mom and she talked about my children (her great granchildren) as if they were the best, most special, smartest and most beautiful children in the world. Going to her house was always a pickmeup, no matter how horrible the day had been going before. She was very different from my family (especially my own grandmother) I miss having that kind of positive influence in my life now. I really miss her and I miss feeling good about my parenting/and my kids.

Lately, I have been having quite a few more down days, and my family doesn't help bc they have been badmouthing homeschooling from the beginning. The latest comment was that I might excel with my new phlebotomy journey, but I would fail my children and their education in the end. Added to the fact that the kids have been so mean to each other lately, fighting like crazy, and running around like crazies, combined with Caden calling us "naughty names" to get a rise out of us (bobo and furball being two of them). Well with all that, sometimes I wonder if I am failing at being a good parent?? Why are some of our days SOOOO difficult? If Gram was here, she would give me the confidence I so need at these tough times, but instead I am just trying to do the best I can. It just seems as if everybody is talking behind my back about it all (actually I KNOW some "friends" are, as well as almost my whole family). Just having a very discouraged day I guess. I miss you Gram (as does Doug, Kylie, Elise, Caden, Gavin and Rylan)-you were such a special person in our lives and we are all missing your positive influence. Hopefully we are on the right path in life and you are there guiding us and smiling down proudly at us.

STRESSED

Lots of things to think about and my first class for phlebotomy is tomorrow night-I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO nervous about it. Hope that I can be a good student again and that I can do the clinical stuff well also(life finding veins and drawing blood). I just have to remind myself that this is the first step of MANY to become a nurse! Just wish I wasn't so darn nervous-hoping that after the first class, I will feel WAY less anxious about it all. *deep breaths*

Oh, and this weekend, I emailed my old college about their nursing program (they are well known in the area for it). Hopefully hear back from someone soon. Going to see how much work it would take to switch my B.A. to a B.S. in nursing (no doubt it will cost quite a bit of money and at least 2 years of schooling). If I did decide to go there and I could find a way to fund it, it would make me pretty marketable once I graduated!! Plus I LOVE that college!! :)

Our kindergarten homeschool journey will commence next Monday. I am excited about that, but have to admit that I feel a little pang of sadness at times when I see everyone's first day of Kindergarten pics (I think I might have mentioned that before). I just don't want Kylie to miss out on any really special memories, but I know that right now, this is the best choice educationally for her at this time anyways. Its so hard to be a parent sometimes!!!