You never realize how good life was 4 months ago....

In the last 4 months, we have now lost 2 much loved grandparents in our family (Doug's gram, followed by my grandma just recently-the kids' Meme) and it has certainly made me realize how good life was 6 months aog when our grandparents were alive and enjoying their great granchildren. I am so numbed by death lately-especially with dealing with two prominent matriarchs of our prospective families. Now my family is fighting like crazy over money and selling my Grandma's house asap (not even 3 weeks after her death) and Doug's family is fighting as well, since they don't have Gran to help heal the rifts. Life was so carefree 6 months ag0-I just feel mentally exhausted having to talk of death and Heaven with the kids every day this last 4 months. And I am sad that the kids don't have any great grandparents left that loved them the way their Great Gram and Meme did. :( I used to complain about holidays and how much I hated having to to everyone's house/make everyone happy...and now we don't have anyone's house to to go this year and its a sad, empty feeling. :/ Too bad I never realize these kinds of life lessons until its too late.

Crazy last month

I started my class and its pretty challenging on top of everything else I have going on. I did well on the first exam though, and I have been doing well actually practicing phlebotomy on my fellow classmates. Just haven't had much/if any fun time for myself-I am so tired by the time bedtime comes around and nights like tonight, I am SUPPOSED to be studying for tomorrow's exam. Just so tired and overwhelmed by it all though, just bc there is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much material I need to know by tomorrow and I feel like my brain is spent today. Doug has been working nonstop and I have hardly seen him, and he will be back home tomorrow AFTER my exam. I don't know when else I have to study but now, but like I said-my brain is just done tonight and everything I read/write/try to study is just not going anywhere. I wish Doug had a normal schedule on days like this. I am exhausted doing the "single parent" thing so much of the week. *sigh*

In other news, Doug and I will be making a stupid, frivulous purchase tomorrow, in buying one of those electric faux fireplace heaters for our living room. I think it will be wonderful to have the fake fireplace going, as well as the additional heat, so hopefully we can turn down the gas heat and not have to pay 400/month like we normally do in the winter. We are using the money from my inheritance from Grandma though, so its royally pissing off my dad bc he wants me to put it in CD"s. I found out that my sister and brother aren't getting hounded about the CD"s like I am-figures I am the only sucker! I am still putting 1750 away for a CD, so he should be happy. All I want is a 300 heater/fake fireplace to decorate my living room/make it feel cozier.

Oh, and lastly...I think I am going crazy. I have been feeling "kicks" occasionally and I am 99% sure I am not pregnant (although I would love to be). My temperatures are AWFUL (for charting gurus), so thats how I know I am almost postiively not pregnant, but sometimes I will lay down and I will swear I feel fluttering and moving around off and on. *shaking head* I guess thats what I get for dealing with all the stress I do-I start making things up in my head and my body!!??!!

SO I guess I should get back to studying-at least for another hour before I get a few hours sleep and the whole day starts once more. Hopefully my exam goes better then I think it will (maybe by some miracle, I will start absorbing some of these disorders/tests I need to know for every body system-I am just so stressed about it right now!