Balancing the fine line between wants and needs

I was thinking of this yesterday when the girls saw about 1000 Barbie commercials and suddenly NEEDED all these new Barbies, even though they have about 20 Barbies between them. They begged for them for their birthday present (we are having their party late this year, hopefully in the next few weeks). Then we went to the mall and they saw princess watches, which they suddenly NEEDED. They started begging for those for their birthday and forgot all about the Barbies they had been begging for prior. \

I started thinking-how do I teach them them to control their emotions in regards to wants vs. needs. Do I even have a handle on it?? At the mall, I saw an adorable outfit (tights and sweater-very hanna anderssonish) and I suddenly wanted it for the girls...but of couse, everything is super pricey and I came to my senses that I have FIVE children to dress and not just the girls. I really have to buy frugally this year (and every year). I do want to to get the girls some cute tights, but I have to wait until everything is on sale and that outfit will probably be gone by then-and thats okay. I have to let my emotions not get the best of myself either. No matter what the girls wear, they will look cute. It shouldn't make me feel bad that I can't buy that specific outfit. So how do I teach my kids that same lesson...especially when I am 28 years old am still trying to learn it myself?

VERY conflicted today

Our homeschooling journey begins next week-as does my schooling to become a phlebotomist. I will be schooling the girls in Kindergarten with Sonlight curriculum, whihc I love bc its a literature based curriculum and we are big into books. I just bought them a whole bunch of school supplies that I put into plastic bins for each of them (including Caden, who thinks he is doing school as well/I probably will give him schooly things to do while I work with the girls). I set up a room and put some different stuff up on the walls (like a word wall/a question of the week wall, etc). I am really excited about this as is Doug, but just about everyone else in the world is against it. I hear negative stuff about it daily and how I am doing a disservice to my children homeschooling them, that I possibly can't teach them what they need to know (which is ludicrous since I HAVE a degree in early childhood education), that socially I am ruining them, etc. The kids are very well adjusted and smart right now-not sure why everyone thinks I am on a path to ruin them in the next year or two.

On top of that adventure, I have decided to finally start pursuing my nursing degree, which is still FAR away. To do so, I am going to need to get into a hospital (hopefully Mercy) so that I can make some money for school as well as get some valuable experience and be eligible for tuition reimbursement to help me along the way. It would be MUCH easier if I hadn't wasted all my loans on a degree that I don't want to use anymore (will have to post about that later), but I did, so I have to slowly put myself through school again. I signed up for a phlebotomy class that starts in 1 week (having to beg, borrow and plead money from my dad to do so) and hopefully that will help me get on the way to my future dreams of being a nurse. Phlebotomy seems to be a good fit for me and my schedule, since hospital phlebotomists work 24/7 and I could find per diem work for any time I need (preferably 5-9 am). I am so scared though that I am going to fail at it-I am sure I will do fine with the book aspect, but what happens if I can't find veins and all the stuff I need to do clinically? I don't know why I am so darn nervous, but I am.

I am also starting to have fears that I am failing my family doing all this combined. Doesn't help that my dad actually said that to me yesterday. Am I going to ruin everything doing this? We NEED to make some extra money here and I really, really, really, really, REALLY want to get my nursing degree sooner rather than later. Once I get my degree, I can work per diem two days a week and help our money out tremendously, while doing what I have a passion to do! Is it silly for me to think that I can do all that, plus be able to give my kids the few hours a day they would need for homeschooling? For me, the kids HAVE TO come first. I am not willing to fail them, even if it means putting my dreams on hold.

All my friends' kids are starting kindergarten this year and I do feel badly everytime they show a post of their kids smiling proudly on their first day of school. I I have no doubts Kylie would be just as excited. But when looking at the big picture, I don't think Kylie would excel there, since she is just like Doug (ADD). Thats why homeschooling would be WAY more beneficial for her, in that I could tailor her education to meet her needs. But I still do feel a pang of wondering if I am doing the right thing.....all the time actually. I guess its mostly bc I know very few people that homeschool as well. We are trying to get involved in more homeschooling groups, and hopefully that will be a big help to my confidence about the whole thing.

Anyways, see why I am so conflicted? My mind is just so full of thoughts at the moment-hopefully I will have more peace sooner rather than later.

I will start with my blog title-how did I come up with it?

When I was thinking of a name for my blog, I first wanted to go all cutesty. Like "mom of many-wanting more", or something along that means. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized thats not all of what I am about and its not what I want to blog about 24/7 either. So who am I? I am a wife to Doug (my high school sweetheart-together since 1995, married since 2001), mom to 5 (Kylie-5, Elise-4, Caden 2.5 and Rylan & Gavin-9 months old), crazy to want one or two more children as well, VERY motivated to a lot of things most people would never even consider for a second (like homescholing for one), as well as very motivated to make my dreams in life come true (like my desire to work as an OB or NICU nurse). I am also living life trying to find balance in our family-trying to find meaning and fulfillment spiritually in a materialistic/physically obsessed world. And no, we aren't crazy obsessed religious people, but there have been quite a few experiences the last 2 months with the death of our beloved Gram that have opened our eyes to the importance of living a full yet meaningful life. We still have a LOT to learn here, but I feel like we are definately on the right path in many ways!

All in all, we seemingly live a VERY different life then most/if not all of our family and friends. We always feel like the outcasts in some way or another-but we are intensely happy with our lives the way they are. Unfortunately, a lot of other people feel the need to judge us and give their opinions on our life/our family and how we do things. I feel like my personal spaces (like msypace) are not MINE anymore, since I always have friends and family picking apart something that is going in my life/or talking about it with others. I eventually hear about it all sooner or later and I am tired of people worrying so much about us, when they could/should be focusing on themselves.

So here we are-the outcasts and PROUD of it! I am happy to have a space where I can talk about it all (most especially my spiritual quest and our various other journeys-be it trying to complete our family, raising our large brood in a 3 kid world, homeschooling, etc). Just trying to make sense in a crazy/senseless world!