I have thought a LOT about the quiverfull movement. What was funny is that my husband mentioned it right around the time I was thinking about it, bc he heard an interview on the radio about a family that was quiverfull. Before I was married/before I had kids, I didn't think twice about preventing pregnancy. I knew I wanted kids, but I didn't want them at the time and I tried to make sure they wouldn't be making any surprise appearances. I remember having a scare in high school (period mia for a while) and even thinking about what I would d0...even considering really bad things for a moment. Augh.
Anyways, fast forward to right before our wedding when we finally decided we wanted to welcome children into our lives. So we discontinued birth control and we started trying. And we tried. And we tried. And we tried some more. I went through the deepest despairs that maybe I wasn't meant to be a mother afte 1.5 years of trying...and I couldn't understand why it hadn't happening within my personal timeline. Finally after 19 months of trying, 19 months of negative pregnancy tests and too many tears to count, we were finally pregnant. It was all magical to have my dreams finally come true, and a true miracle to watch that tiny blob on the ultrasound turn into a gorgeous baby girl!! Being a mother was what my life was certainly meant for; the past 23 years suddenly felt like nothing but a giant standstill, waiting for this miracle of all miracles. I enjoyed her so much, but still felt like someone was missing-and it hit RIGHT after her birth. I thought it was crazy, but I listened to my inner voice in regards to it, and figured that we simply wouldn't prevent (since it took so long the last time). And so be it, God surprised us very soon after and Elise ended up being born 11 months and 3 days after her older sister. Life felt too good to be true-yet there was that feeling still-the someone is still missing feeling. We decided to not prevent, hoping that maybe we could have another really quickly and hopefully help us feel more content. Instead, we ended up waiting 9 months until we finally conceived our first boy-9 months of me wondering why it wasn't happening when I wanted it to happen. And it did finally happen, and he was a perfect addition. I knew I was so incredibly blessed. And then the feeling crept back in-someone was still missing. I prayed a lot, hoping for twins all the time (as I did with the other kids). And we tried, and tried and tried some more, with me getting more upset yet again, wondering why things never worked out the way I "planned" them in my head. I was most upset that the baby was going to be over 2 years apart, when the others were so close...and 4 would probably be it for us, bc my husband was feeling like 4 was a good number to stop at. And then we FINALLY got a positive test, and some MAJOR morning sickness for the first time ever. We went into our 12 week appt to hear the heartbeat and couldn't find anything, so we were sent off to the hospital for an ultrasound. I was sure that my much hoped for/desired blessing was gone-only to find out that God had blessed us with TWO healthy babies. My life and children were sucha joy/I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be able to add two more. Fast forward through the rough delivery with the retained placenta (somehow not seen/ removed by ob/gyn), hemorrhaging, ICU stay, etc and I was sure that we were done. I was sure that I could will msyelf to be content at 5.
And here I am presently. I have these 5 gorgeous children that my husband and I adore. Happiness and joy are abundant in our household, our cup is most definately overfilled with love. We have a busy life, we homeschool and we are on the move 24/7, on top of having 5 kids, 5 and under. And yet I try with all my earthly power to "feel done" and not desire another child, yet that feeling still resides in me and if anything, gets stronger by the day. As I couldn't will myself to have children when "I" wanted it to happen, nor can I will myself to not feel this feeling I have fought the last 18 months. Its more then just a battle of will-this feeling is within ME/its part of my existence.
I have read up a lot about being quiverfull and it suddenly makes everything "make sense". When I wanted children, it wasn't yet in God's will for us....and God kept trying to "teach" me that lesson over and over again. It isn't about "me" and my plans....it is God's will and God's master plan. And in the end, His plan has most definately proved to be perfect. I couldn't pick 5 better children to be ours to love, raise and teach. So is it God's will, deep in my heart, that assures me that someone is still missing from our family? That voice that assures me that everything will be okay and I will find contentness-with HIS timing, not mine. To be quiverfull would be to let God "close my womb" when its meant to be closed...and it makes so much sense, since He "opened my womb" when it was His will to do so.
But can I think like that, with a fair number of c-sections under my belt?? I have SOOOOOO much work left'in regards to raising our children following God's plan....and it scares me at times to think of taking a risk/chance of leaving my most treasured work in progress behind. Can I be quiverfull and have the c-sections I do? Can I keep 100% faith that if I follow God's plan for me, He will protect me? After having my five babies, I can't imagine purposefully preventing pregnancy-which has made it much harder as I have tried to consider "being done". Everything points me towards being quiverfull, but my c-sections hold the logical part of me back. Were the c-sections I had His will, or were they the result of human interference/mistakes along the way that veered off the path of HIS plan for us? If so, does that negate my ability to be quiverfull?? So many questions and so few spoken answers.
As I have prayed about this, I have found that I feel the most peace when I have momentarily surrendered my will and asked God to once more guide me with His will when it comes to anything, including the size of our family. Regardless, it doesn't stop me from momentarily breaking out of this peaceful content, to freak out about "what ifs' no matter how realistic they are either. So where am I? What is a woman with 4 c-sections "allowed" to believe when it comes to ideology, childbearing and God's role/will?? I am hoping one day, I can figure out the RIGHT answer in regards to it all.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Why can't my life be easy???
So today, I got a letter from STCC. It was actually an acceptance letter into the nursing program. *Sigh* I guess I just assumed/hoped I wouldn't get in so it would make my life easier, but of course, that NEVER turns out to be the case. I am 100% on board for letting these next few years be soley about the kids, their childhood and their schooling. BUT i am not going to lie....its like reaching a fork in the road and waving goodbye to my dreams and desires and hoping I will meet up with this road again sometime in the future. STCC's nursing program is a rigorous program which is pretty tough to get into. My sister applied with me and hasn't heard a thing (and I will NOT be telling her I got in). I guess I am mostly wondering if I will ever get this opportunity again. Is God testing me to see if I have my priorities in check/if I will make the right choice?? I have until April 13th to make a "final" decision, although I am 99.99999% sure which choice I will make, there is still that teeny, tiny piece of me that wonders "what if". Life was definately MUCH simpler when I didn't have this stupid acceptance letter to add into the equation, thats for sure!!!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I am so thankful for homeschooling!
I know a lot of people don't really "get it" and I understand, bc I used to be one of those people that thought it was just a weird thing that weird people did. I am so thankful to be on the path of life we are currently on though! Today, I was talking to my friend about her daughter (who is in 2nd grade). She told me that her daughter is an excellent speller and always gets 100's on her quizes, until a few weeks ago when she came back with a 60 on her quiz. She couldn't understand why, bc she spelled all the words correctly, but since she had capatilized a few (like Sir), she lost ALL points for those 4 words, regardless of the fact that she had SPELLED the words right. Since it as a spelling test (and not a grammar test), you would think that spelling would be what truly counts. Sure, make a point by maybe taking a point off, but is it really necessary to mark the whole thing wrong? She also received no credit for answering "what is a noun?" with the answer "a parson, place or thing"-simply bc she mispelled person. Did I mention she is just 7? Her daughter was really upset by this and it all just makes me really sad. Everything is about testing, testing, testing. Teaching to test. We need to/HAVE to get those scores high, especially for MCAS testing. Everything ultimately spirals down to the importance of MCAS. What does MCAS truly mean for the future of our children though...for their future tomorrow as well as their future 20 years from now?
Back when we were kids, we learned to learn (and to have fun doing it). We explored things and got our hands dirty and experienced the fun of being a kid, all while learning the basics in a slow and steady fashion. Now kids are being sent with homework (hours of homework), sometimes starting as early as Kindergarten....being taught to read and write as soon as they walk in the door in Kindergarten....learning how to fill in the bubbles in 1st/2nd grade....and testing, testing, testing. Teachers are pressured by these tests, principals are pressured by these tests, school systems are pressured by these tests and most importantly students are pressured by these tests. In the end, do all these years of teaching to test for these MCAS help foster a love of learning? Does teaching to test give students that desire one needs in life to want to learn more/do more each and every day of their lives? Does it..can it?? I don't know. Personally, teaching to test does NOT work for me. I am currently taking an anatomy and physiology class and its a pretty good example of "teaching to test". I learn about a mess of body parts (right now we are doing muscles), I study, I test..and then I push it all back to the back of mind, so I can start memorizing the next group of parts. Very little hands on experiences, no dissection, just memorize/test, memorize/test, memorize/test I am nearing the end of the class (one month to go), I have a great grade (92 average) and I am burned out. There's no meat to the class, no excitement....nada. I have never taken a class so "soul-less" in my life, and I have taken a lot of classes! This class feels like its just sucking the life out of me.
Can our kids escape the same fate?? I know there are fantastic teachers out there that creatively work the necessary lessons into excellent, multifaceted hands on experiences for their students (I probably went to college with some of them). In my teaching days, I tried to do the same!! But there are also teachers out there that aren't like that and "stick to the rules" as to what each student is required to learn for MCAS. My friend's daughter's teacher is obviously one of them. How can you be sure you get the right teacher year after year? How can you make sure their lessons are made "real" to them?? How do you instill that love of learning??
I truly appreciate being able to give my kids the opportunity to slow down and experience/savor life, subsequently learning at the same time. I want them to correlate learning similiar to that of sleeping, eating, playing... make it just another enjoyable staple of life! I love homeschooling bc it allows my kids to be kids and it allows me to tailor our days to meet all their needs (be it educational, emotional, etc). Our days are simple, yet so busy, packed full of meaningful life/learning experiences.
We wake up (whenever we want to) and we lazily eat breakfast. I cuddle on the couch with Kylie while the others are playing and I work with her on her reading (she is reading 3/4 letter words and doing great). We do 2 or 3 lessons at a time, just bc she wants to do more. I work on a reading lesson with Elise next (although she doesn't really "get it" like Kylie has, she wants to be right there with Kylie, trying to learn how to read). We play with our farm animal counters and do pattern blocks and practice our math skills. We play with different shaped wooden pieces and make letters. We practice writing some letters/Kylie writes her own words by sounding out the words she wants to write (and spelling DOESN'T matter!) We draw pictures to go with our stories words. We paint (mostly with paint with water books right now though, due to the house selling thing!) We listen to stories from around the world and relate them to our life. We get our hands dirty and we learn about the world around us. We go to our co-operative once a week and meet up with a fabulous group of ladies and children, and we take turns teaching different classes/lessons. Today, we learn about crickets and even Caden can tell someone that a cricket has ears on its legs, or that a cricket has 5 eyes and 6 legs. We also make a little cricket habitat and take home our own pet crickets that another mom has brought in for everyone. We learn about body parts and about which bones are connected to each other. We then outline our whole body on big pieces of poster board and color them in to represent our own bodies. Kylie gives herself pink patterned tights and a "fur coat" like Veruca Salt on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, while Caden asks someone to help him draw a Mack truck. Elise gives herself a crown and LONG, flowing brown locks! I watch my kids interact with kids of all ages, Kylie gives her future husband/her prince a hug and a backrub lol then. Caden finds buddies to play cars with him. Elise plays princess with another little girl. They play hide and seek. They run. They roll down hills together. They have fun together, no matter what the age (be it 2 or 10). We go to the park and enjoy the park for hours, meeting up with so many of our great friends! We go up and down slides. We swing so high we almost touch the sky. We take off our shoes and run in the grass and just run and run and run, feeling the cool damp grass beneath our toes. We sometimes sit and eat our lunch there, just enjoying the day and the clouds and our time together. We go out to museums and more parks, as well as field trips set up by our co-op friends. We go to a farm, we go to a sugar house, and in two months we go for a 2 hour ride on a steam train and boat. We go to the library and we particpate in our groups, we sit and enjoy the books (and the toys too of course). We ride our scooters. We ride our bikes. We go for walks. We go for rides and we just talk (we talk about the world, we talk about God, we talk about that naughty mommy getting pulled over for not following the rules ;) ). We learn about forgiveness. We learn about appreciating the great many joys we have in our lives. We talk about the good things in life. We talk about the sad. We pray. At the end of our full days, we collapse into bed. We are all soooooo tired...but boy, is life good!!!
I am so thankful to have the opportunity to homeschool my kids. I am so incredibly thankful to be able to have these kinds of days with my kids, day after day. I am so thankful for my supportive husband-who is my other half . I am so thankful for all my awesome, very supportive friends that I can talk to day after day about anything/everything!! I am so thankful for our great literature based, hands on curriculum. I am so thankful for all the days we get to spend together. I am so thankful for my family, who helps me when I need it, even if they don't agree or support homeschooling at this moment of time. I am so thankful for the wonderful homeschooling community we are surrounded by, including our co-op friends. And most importantly, I am so incredibly thankful and grateful that my kids have NO idea what a test is...or what homework is either..but they do love to learn, play to learn and live to learn!
Back when we were kids, we learned to learn (and to have fun doing it). We explored things and got our hands dirty and experienced the fun of being a kid, all while learning the basics in a slow and steady fashion. Now kids are being sent with homework (hours of homework), sometimes starting as early as Kindergarten....being taught to read and write as soon as they walk in the door in Kindergarten....learning how to fill in the bubbles in 1st/2nd grade....and testing, testing, testing. Teachers are pressured by these tests, principals are pressured by these tests, school systems are pressured by these tests and most importantly students are pressured by these tests. In the end, do all these years of teaching to test for these MCAS help foster a love of learning? Does teaching to test give students that desire one needs in life to want to learn more/do more each and every day of their lives? Does it..can it?? I don't know. Personally, teaching to test does NOT work for me. I am currently taking an anatomy and physiology class and its a pretty good example of "teaching to test". I learn about a mess of body parts (right now we are doing muscles), I study, I test..and then I push it all back to the back of mind, so I can start memorizing the next group of parts. Very little hands on experiences, no dissection, just memorize/test, memorize/test, memorize/test I am nearing the end of the class (one month to go), I have a great grade (92 average) and I am burned out. There's no meat to the class, no excitement....nada. I have never taken a class so "soul-less" in my life, and I have taken a lot of classes! This class feels like its just sucking the life out of me.
Can our kids escape the same fate?? I know there are fantastic teachers out there that creatively work the necessary lessons into excellent, multifaceted hands on experiences for their students (I probably went to college with some of them). In my teaching days, I tried to do the same!! But there are also teachers out there that aren't like that and "stick to the rules" as to what each student is required to learn for MCAS. My friend's daughter's teacher is obviously one of them. How can you be sure you get the right teacher year after year? How can you make sure their lessons are made "real" to them?? How do you instill that love of learning??
I truly appreciate being able to give my kids the opportunity to slow down and experience/savor life, subsequently learning at the same time. I want them to correlate learning similiar to that of sleeping, eating, playing... make it just another enjoyable staple of life! I love homeschooling bc it allows my kids to be kids and it allows me to tailor our days to meet all their needs (be it educational, emotional, etc). Our days are simple, yet so busy, packed full of meaningful life/learning experiences.
We wake up (whenever we want to) and we lazily eat breakfast. I cuddle on the couch with Kylie while the others are playing and I work with her on her reading (she is reading 3/4 letter words and doing great). We do 2 or 3 lessons at a time, just bc she wants to do more. I work on a reading lesson with Elise next (although she doesn't really "get it" like Kylie has, she wants to be right there with Kylie, trying to learn how to read). We play with our farm animal counters and do pattern blocks and practice our math skills. We play with different shaped wooden pieces and make letters. We practice writing some letters/Kylie writes her own words by sounding out the words she wants to write (and spelling DOESN'T matter!) We draw pictures to go with our stories words. We paint (mostly with paint with water books right now though, due to the house selling thing!) We listen to stories from around the world and relate them to our life. We get our hands dirty and we learn about the world around us. We go to our co-operative once a week and meet up with a fabulous group of ladies and children, and we take turns teaching different classes/lessons. Today, we learn about crickets and even Caden can tell someone that a cricket has ears on its legs, or that a cricket has 5 eyes and 6 legs. We also make a little cricket habitat and take home our own pet crickets that another mom has brought in for everyone. We learn about body parts and about which bones are connected to each other. We then outline our whole body on big pieces of poster board and color them in to represent our own bodies. Kylie gives herself pink patterned tights and a "fur coat" like Veruca Salt on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, while Caden asks someone to help him draw a Mack truck. Elise gives herself a crown and LONG, flowing brown locks! I watch my kids interact with kids of all ages, Kylie gives her future husband/her prince a hug and a backrub lol then. Caden finds buddies to play cars with him. Elise plays princess with another little girl. They play hide and seek. They run. They roll down hills together. They have fun together, no matter what the age (be it 2 or 10). We go to the park and enjoy the park for hours, meeting up with so many of our great friends! We go up and down slides. We swing so high we almost touch the sky. We take off our shoes and run in the grass and just run and run and run, feeling the cool damp grass beneath our toes. We sometimes sit and eat our lunch there, just enjoying the day and the clouds and our time together. We go out to museums and more parks, as well as field trips set up by our co-op friends. We go to a farm, we go to a sugar house, and in two months we go for a 2 hour ride on a steam train and boat. We go to the library and we particpate in our groups, we sit and enjoy the books (and the toys too of course). We ride our scooters. We ride our bikes. We go for walks. We go for rides and we just talk (we talk about the world, we talk about God, we talk about that naughty mommy getting pulled over for not following the rules ;) ). We learn about forgiveness. We learn about appreciating the great many joys we have in our lives. We talk about the good things in life. We talk about the sad. We pray. At the end of our full days, we collapse into bed. We are all soooooo tired...but boy, is life good!!!
I am so thankful to have the opportunity to homeschool my kids. I am so incredibly thankful to be able to have these kinds of days with my kids, day after day. I am so thankful for my supportive husband-who is my other half . I am so thankful for all my awesome, very supportive friends that I can talk to day after day about anything/everything!! I am so thankful for our great literature based, hands on curriculum. I am so thankful for all the days we get to spend together. I am so thankful for my family, who helps me when I need it, even if they don't agree or support homeschooling at this moment of time. I am so thankful for the wonderful homeschooling community we are surrounded by, including our co-op friends. And most importantly, I am so incredibly thankful and grateful that my kids have NO idea what a test is...or what homework is either..but they do love to learn, play to learn and live to learn!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Boy, I am just a blogging fool lately!
Guess I have a lot on my mind.
Today I am having a "I want another baby really, really, really, really, really, REALLY bad" kind of day. I just hate having the someone is missing feeling. I look back and Caden is sitting all by himself...the other day, he even asked me "where is my baby to sit with"-since the girls both sit with a twin. I just want that done feeling everyone talks about. Is it for real??? Sometimes (a lot of time) I am afraid I will be one of those people that will never feel completely done! I have so much to be thankful for I know, but when you have that feeling that someone is missing, its hard to sit idly by wait...... I made the mistake of mentioning this to a few acquaintances at church this summer, and I heard "just get over it already" by one. Of course, she had her 2 children (the boy and girl of course) and had felt perfectly done after that. I am honestly jealous!!! Why can't it be that easy for me?? When your heart isn't done, it just isn't that easy to will yourself to feel differently (no matter what everyone else in the world thinks!)
Enough blog therapy for now...I really gotta get sewing!
Today I am having a "I want another baby really, really, really, really, really, REALLY bad" kind of day. I just hate having the someone is missing feeling. I look back and Caden is sitting all by himself...the other day, he even asked me "where is my baby to sit with"-since the girls both sit with a twin. I just want that done feeling everyone talks about. Is it for real??? Sometimes (a lot of time) I am afraid I will be one of those people that will never feel completely done! I have so much to be thankful for I know, but when you have that feeling that someone is missing, its hard to sit idly by wait...... I made the mistake of mentioning this to a few acquaintances at church this summer, and I heard "just get over it already" by one. Of course, she had her 2 children (the boy and girl of course) and had felt perfectly done after that. I am honestly jealous!!! Why can't it be that easy for me?? When your heart isn't done, it just isn't that easy to will yourself to feel differently (no matter what everyone else in the world thinks!)
Enough blog therapy for now...I really gotta get sewing!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
For once in my life, I can't do it all....and happy bc of it.
Back in September, I posted about my big plans to pursue nuring school, all the while homeschooling thing. I figured it would be 2 short years of torture, but I could get the job done and then I could do the part time work thing and the full time mom/teacher thing. Everyone in my life has been pushing me to do it now and it get it done and I figured it must be the right step in our life (of course, everyone else hates our homeschooling and wants us to quit that as well). Well I applied for the nursing program next year, and have been taking my last pre-reqs since then, and all that fun. I have been trudging along with all this, all the while wondering why this nagging uneasy feeling of mine wouldn't go away...instead it just kept building up, stronger and stronger, until it felt like a huge stress just sitting on my shoulders-there when I woke up and still there when I went to bed. I have been talking it out with Doug over and over again, and he finally admitted to me that he didn't want me to go to nursing school now or for a very long time. His words were "I want to hire you full time as mom/teacher ONLY-are you willing to take the job?"
I thought about this for a moment and just said yes instantly...and all my stress suddenly lifted. I wasn't stressed so much about the hard work involved with nursing, it was moreso that our homeschooling would have to be stringently planned to fit into the schedule and this wasn't what homeschooling was supposed to be about to me. The kids deserved more then that, especially when it involved their childhood/their schooling. In the grand scheme of life, they are only going to be little for SUCH a short period of time. I can always go back to school and pursue my nursing, but will I ever be able to steal these precious moments back from time??? We thoroughly enjoy the simpleness of our life-so why was I ready and willing to add a mess of complexity to it??? I am so excited that Doug has helped me set my priorities straight again-I got a little bit lost along the way but our life is headed back on track in regards to our bright future-for our children AND our family! :)
So from now on, its kids first...and second and third. I do some small things for myself (like weight watchers/many crafts), but only things I can incorporate into our family life without great disruption (as nursing school would have SURELY done). Now I just have to answer to everyone else-all those that heavily encouraged me (like my mother in law). No one will agree (most especially my dad who has been pushing me to get a job forever/be it teaching or nursing/and my sister won't be too happy bc she wanted us to go to nursing school/study together) but in my heart, this feels right for our family and thats what ultimately matters. I feel so blessed to share this life with Doug-we are one with our ideals/hopes/dreams-so no matter what others think, I know I have the full support of my other half!!! :)
I thought about this for a moment and just said yes instantly...and all my stress suddenly lifted. I wasn't stressed so much about the hard work involved with nursing, it was moreso that our homeschooling would have to be stringently planned to fit into the schedule and this wasn't what homeschooling was supposed to be about to me. The kids deserved more then that, especially when it involved their childhood/their schooling. In the grand scheme of life, they are only going to be little for SUCH a short period of time. I can always go back to school and pursue my nursing, but will I ever be able to steal these precious moments back from time??? We thoroughly enjoy the simpleness of our life-so why was I ready and willing to add a mess of complexity to it??? I am so excited that Doug has helped me set my priorities straight again-I got a little bit lost along the way but our life is headed back on track in regards to our bright future-for our children AND our family! :)
So from now on, its kids first...and second and third. I do some small things for myself (like weight watchers/many crafts), but only things I can incorporate into our family life without great disruption (as nursing school would have SURELY done). Now I just have to answer to everyone else-all those that heavily encouraged me (like my mother in law). No one will agree (most especially my dad who has been pushing me to get a job forever/be it teaching or nursing/and my sister won't be too happy bc she wanted us to go to nursing school/study together) but in my heart, this feels right for our family and thats what ultimately matters. I feel so blessed to share this life with Doug-we are one with our ideals/hopes/dreams-so no matter what others think, I know I have the full support of my other half!!! :)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I want my moment!
I'm jealous. Sometimes its hard to be one of those moms that had a (the) c-section(s). Today everyone was talking about their vaginal births with such vigor and excitement, with each subsequent's birth story being bigger and better then the last and sometimes it just feels like most women get to be in this bragging about their vag. birth club that I will never join. I will never be able to tell about how I labored for X amount of hours, or pushed for X amount of hours, bc I never really did any of that. Sure I got induced, and I had hours of crappy contractions that did absolutely NADA to my cervix. Everyone wants to hear about someone's labor and delivery, but nobody wants to hear about how I laid on a table, covered by a paper sheet, while my babies were cut out of me. Don't get me wrong, I cherish their births all SOOOOO much and although I am not 100% loving my c-sections (for the main fact that they limit the amount of children I can have), I still view each and every one of their births as the most beautiful, miraculous moments of my life!
I guess I just want my moment to be able to tell of those special days in life when other moms are doing the same. Even at times in the past when I have tried to chime in and tell my c-section stories, everyone just gives you the sympathy "oh, I would NEVER want to have to have one of those". It just makes me feel worse about c-sections (like the unlucky sucker), and I shouldn't feel that way, bc most likely I wouldn't have been able to have any of my babies without them. I become a mommy 5 times bc of my c-sections, and I am so incredibly lucky/blessed.
Most people view c-sections as the black sheep of birth, and while I surely don't push that everyone should have one, I still don't think they should be viewed as negatively as they are. It simply leaves us c-section moms feeling like we somehow failed ourselves (or at least, it leaves me feeling like that). I start thinking/picking apart my beautiful memories of Kylie's birth and trying to figure out where I went wrong, when ultimately there isn't a right or wrong to birth. If only we had full control over everything in birth...but unfortunately, God throws curveballs in our "plans" and life is all about experiencing the journeys of life, no matter which path you have to take there. Its just a different way to birth and I wish it got the respect it deserves (although its hard when movie stars are publically picking c-sections now as the "easy way out" to avoid pain-hahaha on them!). I don't adore having had c-sections (mostly bc I would have preferred a Duggar size family), but I feel so lucky that there is a way that I can have/birth my babies. I guess I just want my moment to shine/brag about the miracle of my children's births. I carried twins weighing 15 lbs total to 38.5 weeks of pregnancy, so nobody is going to convince that I haven't earned my bragging rights to each and every one of my c-sections, thats for sure!!!
I guess I just want my moment to be able to tell of those special days in life when other moms are doing the same. Even at times in the past when I have tried to chime in and tell my c-section stories, everyone just gives you the sympathy "oh, I would NEVER want to have to have one of those". It just makes me feel worse about c-sections (like the unlucky sucker), and I shouldn't feel that way, bc most likely I wouldn't have been able to have any of my babies without them. I become a mommy 5 times bc of my c-sections, and I am so incredibly lucky/blessed.
Most people view c-sections as the black sheep of birth, and while I surely don't push that everyone should have one, I still don't think they should be viewed as negatively as they are. It simply leaves us c-section moms feeling like we somehow failed ourselves (or at least, it leaves me feeling like that). I start thinking/picking apart my beautiful memories of Kylie's birth and trying to figure out where I went wrong, when ultimately there isn't a right or wrong to birth. If only we had full control over everything in birth...but unfortunately, God throws curveballs in our "plans" and life is all about experiencing the journeys of life, no matter which path you have to take there. Its just a different way to birth and I wish it got the respect it deserves (although its hard when movie stars are publically picking c-sections now as the "easy way out" to avoid pain-hahaha on them!). I don't adore having had c-sections (mostly bc I would have preferred a Duggar size family), but I feel so lucky that there is a way that I can have/birth my babies. I guess I just want my moment to shine/brag about the miracle of my children's births. I carried twins weighing 15 lbs total to 38.5 weeks of pregnancy, so nobody is going to convince that I haven't earned my bragging rights to each and every one of my c-sections, thats for sure!!!
Monday, March 23, 2009
The "American Dream"
Remember the American Dream of yesteryear?? The quaint little house with the picket fence, the doting husband that worked hard for his family, the wife that stayed home and took care of the kids, while keeping up with the housework (all the while saving pennies by sewing, quilting, etc for the family, the kids that were free to explore and play all day, etc. Sometimes I wish I lived in that era. The American Dream of today would probably be classified as living in the 2000+sq foot, 4 + bedroom house with 3 garages, having the 2 kids (the boy and girl) and sending them off to daycare at 4 weeks old so that mom can resume her busy work schedule (at least 40+ hours) alongside dad, so that they can afford daycare, the expensive cars, the pricey clothes for the entire family, etc. The parents get to actually raise/enjoy their kids only for the couple hours before bed and the weekends (well thats if they haven't already gotten a babysitter so that mom and dad can enjoy a lavish weekend away from the kids). Doesn't the present American Dream sound swell??
Our ideals have changed and I think God isn't all that happy about how materialistic the world has become. When I tell people that we are moving to a slightly larger 3 bedroom house, they are like "only 3 bedrooms for all those kids". I answer back that they will happily share and I get the "look". Why is that so bad?? Our ancestors all shared bedrooms before....why does each kid HAVE to have their own bedroom in this day and age?? To hold all their "stuff" I need to buy them, right? Not that the kids don't have toys, but I don't run out and buy the newest whim everytime it comes out. We don't have a tickle me elmo, we don't have all the latest and greatest video games, my kids don't even have their own tvs/dvds...the horror!!! Why would/should this make my kids unfortunate?? They have a simple, happy, joy filled life with quite enough toys, thank you very much. Just bc someone says we need this newest thing, and this other newest thing, etc doesn't mean that my children won't fully enjoy their childhood lacking it.
As for working, I know that some families need mom to pick up a few hours to make ends meet (and sometimes/many times I think/consider I should do the same) BUT there are so many families out there now that sacrifice family for their job/money. SOOOOO many families. I used to work in a couple daycares for many years and I can't even tell you the number of parents that left their 4 week old (from 7 am-5 pm), so that they could happily get back to work. We raised those kids for them, and then they would pick them up, feed them dinner and put them to bed. I was a babysitter for a lot of them on the weekends, so they could do their own (non-mom thing). At the time, I thought it was pretty normal, but now that I have my own kids, I am sad about it. Each child is such a blessing and what a joy it is to watch all those moments as they grow up, change, and learn. Many people in today's world aren't keen on giving up the bigger house, the 3 car garage and the expensive cars that reside in that garage, the yearly disneyworld trips, the pricey name brand clothing, etc so that they can enjoy the simple, mundane joys of being a parent. They may think they have it all, but in reality they are missing out on so much incredibly joy in life.
I think there will be a lot of regrets for these people later in life, when they realize most of their life focused on materialistic goals that mean absolutely NOTHING at the end of this life/enterance into eternal life. I personally believe God gave us this life on Earth to enjoy the simple joys of life itself (not to see who can make the most money in the quickest way possible). Unfortunately the majority of the people in this world have turned money hungry. We all love money no doubt, but it shouldn't be the focus of our life. Money causes evil things to happen in this world-too many things to name. And people base their lives on money. I can only have 2 kids so that I can still keeping spending the money I am accustomed to, or my life has to go A, B, and then C so that I can make they money I want to by a certain time, etc. Look at the health insurance companies in pursuit of the highest dollar, or the mortgage companies that were in pursuit of the same "goal". What good has all that done to humanity, besides brought our materialistic based world down to shambles??
I think our world needed this wakeup call in regards to the downfall of a money based world, but I don't know how many others will take heed of it. Most are still, unfortunately, waiting for the tables to turn so that they can comfortably return to their past life and forget about all this. I can only hope that others will start to look at the life more spiritually, at these times when the simple, mundane joys of life itself may be the only positive thing going for the day (with all the talks of layoffs and crashing stockmarkets, etc). Although we might be in a recession, quite possible a depression, its NOT the end of the world. There is still so much joy still left in life, if others could just look at life with a different view. Perhaps, this is how God hopes to open our eyes to the faults of being human. I know I still need to work on my desire for worldly things (like those darn hanna andersson dresses that are so $$$ but SOOOO cute). God has blessed us all so lavishly, not in wordly (money based items), but simply in the world , family and friends He has created around us. The goal of being the best husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends (TO ALL the world), etc should be the new "American dream" and hopefully others around us will heed this "wakeup call" and re-evaluate the true purpose of our lives.
Our ideals have changed and I think God isn't all that happy about how materialistic the world has become. When I tell people that we are moving to a slightly larger 3 bedroom house, they are like "only 3 bedrooms for all those kids". I answer back that they will happily share and I get the "look". Why is that so bad?? Our ancestors all shared bedrooms before....why does each kid HAVE to have their own bedroom in this day and age?? To hold all their "stuff" I need to buy them, right? Not that the kids don't have toys, but I don't run out and buy the newest whim everytime it comes out. We don't have a tickle me elmo, we don't have all the latest and greatest video games, my kids don't even have their own tvs/dvds...the horror!!! Why would/should this make my kids unfortunate?? They have a simple, happy, joy filled life with quite enough toys, thank you very much. Just bc someone says we need this newest thing, and this other newest thing, etc doesn't mean that my children won't fully enjoy their childhood lacking it.
As for working, I know that some families need mom to pick up a few hours to make ends meet (and sometimes/many times I think/consider I should do the same) BUT there are so many families out there now that sacrifice family for their job/money. SOOOOO many families. I used to work in a couple daycares for many years and I can't even tell you the number of parents that left their 4 week old (from 7 am-5 pm), so that they could happily get back to work. We raised those kids for them, and then they would pick them up, feed them dinner and put them to bed. I was a babysitter for a lot of them on the weekends, so they could do their own (non-mom thing). At the time, I thought it was pretty normal, but now that I have my own kids, I am sad about it. Each child is such a blessing and what a joy it is to watch all those moments as they grow up, change, and learn. Many people in today's world aren't keen on giving up the bigger house, the 3 car garage and the expensive cars that reside in that garage, the yearly disneyworld trips, the pricey name brand clothing, etc so that they can enjoy the simple, mundane joys of being a parent. They may think they have it all, but in reality they are missing out on so much incredibly joy in life.
I think there will be a lot of regrets for these people later in life, when they realize most of their life focused on materialistic goals that mean absolutely NOTHING at the end of this life/enterance into eternal life. I personally believe God gave us this life on Earth to enjoy the simple joys of life itself (not to see who can make the most money in the quickest way possible). Unfortunately the majority of the people in this world have turned money hungry. We all love money no doubt, but it shouldn't be the focus of our life. Money causes evil things to happen in this world-too many things to name. And people base their lives on money. I can only have 2 kids so that I can still keeping spending the money I am accustomed to, or my life has to go A, B, and then C so that I can make they money I want to by a certain time, etc. Look at the health insurance companies in pursuit of the highest dollar, or the mortgage companies that were in pursuit of the same "goal". What good has all that done to humanity, besides brought our materialistic based world down to shambles??
I think our world needed this wakeup call in regards to the downfall of a money based world, but I don't know how many others will take heed of it. Most are still, unfortunately, waiting for the tables to turn so that they can comfortably return to their past life and forget about all this. I can only hope that others will start to look at the life more spiritually, at these times when the simple, mundane joys of life itself may be the only positive thing going for the day (with all the talks of layoffs and crashing stockmarkets, etc). Although we might be in a recession, quite possible a depression, its NOT the end of the world. There is still so much joy still left in life, if others could just look at life with a different view. Perhaps, this is how God hopes to open our eyes to the faults of being human. I know I still need to work on my desire for worldly things (like those darn hanna andersson dresses that are so $$$ but SOOOO cute). God has blessed us all so lavishly, not in wordly (money based items), but simply in the world , family and friends He has created around us. The goal of being the best husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends (TO ALL the world), etc should be the new "American dream" and hopefully others around us will heed this "wakeup call" and re-evaluate the true purpose of our lives.
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